So Kris Collins went and joined the blogospere...

and you may be asking yourself "who's this schmuck?" Join the club. Been trying to figure out who I really am all my life. It gets harder the older you get because you become better at pretending to be someone else - I got so good at pretending that I started to believe what I was pretending. Different pretensions for different conventions. Pretend to be a good guy at church. Pretend to be a bad ass when hanging out with the guys. Pretend not to be insecure... all the time, everyday. Pretend to have it all together. Pretend to be a songwriter...

Kris Collins is, in fact, an impostor. I am uncertain of many things. I am still unsure of myself, but this I know for certain: I am a class A impostor. I am a copycat who picks and chooses what look like the best elements from other's lives, and then I try to use them in my own. All of us do this to a degree and there's nothing inherently bad about it (so far as you don't take it to the extreme of identity theft!). The difference is... I'm damn good at it!

One of the many mysteries of Kris Collins is this - his unabashed conceit! I am a cocky mofo! And really that doesn't make much sense given everything I've already written, but I am one amazing bad ass and I am better at it than you! Really. No joke. :- It might all be fake or some stupid defense mechanism, but even so it's pretty crazy that my pseudo-awesomeness is still bigger than your lifelong pursuit of the real thing... and btw I am the real thing!

And then there's the fact that Kris Collins is obscenely transparent. I try not to hide anything. I put it all out there. Love it or hate it, this is me. I know what I am. I know who I am. I use the same "still trying to figure it out" excuse that most everybody uses to buy more time. Shoot, I started this post with that excuse. Just trying to put off facing the truth. The truth is that I am many things: a jerk, a nerd(really.), an asshole, a wannabe womanizer, a songwriter, a drinker, a smoker, and amazingly enough, deep down... a good guy - not nearly as much of a bad ass as I would like to think that I am.

That's enough for now...